I let last night’s heartache consume me today. I started off the morning in tears, and let the tears continue to fall throughout the day. I just couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness and my mind was running wild with all the doubt I was feeling about a situation I was in.

I felt like I wasn’t even myself which always happens when one person hurts me. I love to talk but I didn’t want to answer my phone and talk to my friends because I felt so down. Interestingly enough, last night was my women’s gathering which we discussed talking about the good and being thankful for all that we have and not discussing all of bad in our lives. Not retelling bad stories, etc. so then in order to avoid that I just didn’t speak at all. Probably….not what they were suggesting but I just couldn’t take off the lens that only allowed me to see this terrible situation and not see all the beauty in front of me until tonight.

So tonight I get home and if you read my previous blog about this working momma that I am, you would know I had a plan for dinners ( already prepared but I ate candy for dinner) and a list of chores to keep up on the house (super OCD)

SO I get home carrying a diaper bag, laptop, purse, school bag, and a baby. Set everything down in my kitchen with a sink full of dishes and laundry scattered on the floor. (clearly I am not keeping up on my chore list) I start the bath for the kids and immediately put them in it so that I can sit down and rest for a second. Maybe cry some more tears…and then just as I sit down I hear them across the house laughing hysterically. Tay is spitting water out at Bensons chest and he’s busting up laughing. His laugh is contagious so she begins laughing, and HER laugh is contagious, so I begin laughing. I am sitting alone, laughing at the sound of their laughter and instantly I was awakened to a new lens. My vision was not blurred by one person causing my heart pain, but my vision was clear to all happiness brought to my heart. The sound of their laugh. The peacefulness of the messy house I live in, Pandora playing my favorite song in the background. I mean, life is pretty good if I choose to see that.

Yesterday it was said that people are not more blessed, but what we see is people who are better at counting their blessings. I have always thought I was good at counting mine. The littlest things excite me and I always say I am so blessed. Wow! But when I am hurt…I am really hurt and my whole day is just woe me.  We ALL walk through fire. We all have issues we will face in our lives BUT that isn’t all that surrounds us. We truly are so blessed.

I made a list of things I was thankful for, and tonight when the kids were laughing I just thought to myself thank you God for opening my eyes to the goodness that you have put in my life.

Yesterday I wrote a list of things I was thankful for and tonight when I heard the kids laughter I made another list of just the things TODAY, on a rough day, that I was thankful for:

my kids sharing their laughter, my neighbors and best friends who love me enough to analyze my poor infected ear and make sure it won’t fall off, my childhood (still) great friend who is so loving and inspiring checking in on me tonight, my Grammy who is always beyond willing to help with Taytum after school, Taytum asking me to pray with her tonight, Benson entertaining me with his drama over not reaching his blanket, the list goes on.. and on..

The point is, that I could have woken up and had an amazing day and not have let one persons actions ruin my day but I didn’t because my vision was so blurred. I didn’t enjoy my kids this morning the way I should. I didn’t act thankful for all that has been given to me, I didn’t want to have a conversation with my closest friends. I just wanted to be sad and that is not how I want to spend my days. I want to enjoy every second I have with those I love. I want to talk to my friends and laugh with my kids. I wan’t to drive to the neighbors (yes I drive. It’s cold outside!) and laugh with them and grab handfuls of candy on my way out the door. I want to go to bed with a thankful heart and wake up with a thankful heart.

I am working hard at renewing my mind to transform my life, it isn’t unattainable, it just takes training.