I have to talk about my sweet complicated 2 year old boy, I have to problem solve his behavior with my friends. (I literally believe my college education and habilitative intervention training has warped my mind and I constantly try and diagnose him…and myself)

So I call my friend and right before I tell her the tantrum filled morning I endured with my sweet complicated 2 year old boy I felt a hesitation wash across me. I worried about the judgment that would be cast upon me. I know better, but it still washes over me like…Brandy…do you really wanna tell it like it is….are you 100% sure that there won’t be any judgment…and guys, I am NOT worried about my parenting being judged..I was totally worried about BENSON being judged. My SWEET boy. I know better. BUT STILL.

So I proceed to tell her it all. And everyone else can hear it now too. I don’t know what Benson’s deal is. Honestly. I attribute it to a combination of being sick, being a cuddle bug, being spoiled, being bored, being tired…everything. ANYWAY. Here is the story.

Today we had church, lunch at grandmas, a birthday party, and dinner at grammy and papas so I needed like 2o minutes to get ready. Some me time, right? Like..let me brush my teeth, put deodorant on, and fix my face before we go out in public for an entire day. Benson woke up at 6:30am and started off fussy. He didn’t want me to put him down. I sat him on my sink because he wouldn’t watch cartoons with dad, and while sitting on my sink he was still crying just for me to hold him.. I WAS CENTIMETERS FROM HIM. It’s insane! I can’t apply makeup with one hand and hold him in the other. So I decide to take all my makeup upstairs and get ready in his bathroom where he can play with all his toys. He still cried. Only now he was screaming at the top of his lungs, and thrashing around on the floor like an animal. Where does he even get the energy for this stuff? I asked if he wanted to take a bath, color, play-doh, board games, choo-choos, cars, legos, the list goes on and on. Every question I asked he’d scream louder. He was flopping around on the floor injuring himself and I just got down on my knees…as patiently as could be and said “Benson if you are going to cry, do it in your room” and directed him to his bedroom. That escalated his tantrum. Until he decided to come sit on me while I was sitting on my knees. INSTANTLY STOPPED CRYING. This is all over being on top of me….he can’t live on top of me. I don’t know why he does this. It’s crazy. Getting out of the house to go to church was a nightmare. I broke down into tears and then quickly pulled it together once I had him strapped in his carseat.

The day continued to be rough in spurts. He would be great for awhile and then have a meltdown. I know that is just the way life goes. But man is it difficult. We had a trip the the Discovery Center for a birthday celebration and he threw a fit halfway through and I had to carry him outside to scream…which is fine, but in that moment I felt like I was the only mama going through this difficult phase.

So where I was going with this story was experiencing such hesitation of telling someone how rough my day was. I feel uncomfortable with the reality of a difficult toddler. I love my kids, I love my friends, I love the adventure we create, but raising kids isn’t easy. I want every mama to know that you are a good mom. You are doing the absolute best you can do in that moment and you are good. Your kids are good, sweet kids. And this is just a phase like all phases in our lives. This is just one of them. Everyday isn’t going to be this hard, and tell somebody. Talk about your reality with the people you trust, even on the hard days. Benson is the sweetest boy and I love him endlessly. He has taught me so much about parenting and about patience but today was really, really tough.

Tomorrow I will wake up and get ready in a closed bathroom…I will not get ready with a toddler on my hip, and I will enjoy a new day chasing adventures of mamahood.